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    經典搞笑幽默短信 時下流行俏皮俗語

     來源:指客網 (www.thfdigital.com)   欄目:搞笑段子   時間:2015-08-06
    1、一售票員去餐廳吃飯。飯后結賬時,大聲叫服務員道:“服務員,買票,買票。”在座的用餐顧客和服務員頓時懵了......
    2、聊天窗口嘀嘀嘀,屏幕那端正是你,真是踏破鐵鞋無處覓,網上沖浪遇知己。啊!我嘆網絡真神奇,豬頭也會發消息。
    3、作為一名職業守門員,我真的很佩服你的職業精神。昨天同學聚會,對桌老牛扔給你一支煙,沒想到你一腳就把煙踢了出去,那個準,不偏不正掉在了老牛面前的茶杯里。
    4、一哥們是一名足球運動員,夜里睡覺時,夢見在踢比賽,結果一腳凌空抽射,大腳指戳在了墻上,頓時大叫,驚醒同室的隊友,送到醫院檢查為大腳指骨折。
    5、業精于勤荒于嬉,哥們是位職業足球運動員,前鋒,練球到如癡如醉的程度。一天夢里,他一腳,將床頭電腦踢飛,又一次,夢里把隊友踢飛……
    6、最近迷上編信息,主要歸功指客籍,懸賞論壇送金幣,絞盡腦汁把題思,廢寢忘食找主題,同事聊天我提議,出口成章有獎勵,招邪中魔我被疑,只因已成指客迷!
    7、年初陪幾個朋友K歌,大家犼的正酣,全無章法可言。某女(高中聲樂老師)按捺不住,起來搶過麥克風,訓練我們近兩小時,直至幾人精神崩潰暴起。至今聚會只吃喝,不提去K歌!
    8、每天對著電腦工作都習慣了,看電視有事就想暫停,看到書上的文章就想粘貼復制,拿著遙控總覺的是鼠標,張口閉口就是網絡用語。
    9、我一同學剛從聯通跳槽轉到移動上班,第一天有人想退訂移動夢網業務,于是撥打10086道:“麻煩把那個移動夢網業務關掉。”同學想也沒想張口道:“這里是中國聯通,不受理移動業務。”
    更多精選專輯:指客網 (www.thfdigital.com)   欄目:搞笑段子
    10、常在網上走,驚險有木有?一旺旺客服用慣了旺旺:親,我懷孕了。對方一驚:不關我的事兒吧?客服:對不起,您的寶貝我只能下周給您發啦。汗!
    11、老中醫診斷:男,35歲,未婚,患職業病5年之久,癥狀特征:不能與女孩親密接觸,凡是親吻必將嘔吐,發病原因:給美女治牙時不懼看得太清。治療措施:改行,做獸醫!
    12、一輛出租四海奔,公路天橋已難分,方向盤迷失雙手,霓虹燈閃亂眼輪。回家靜坐四周望,車在墻上鳴,燈在床上亮。枕頭常作方向盤,雙腳經常亂踩檔。苦了一個司機,亂了一家作息。
    13、一數學老師的兩個得意門生結婚,要求老師寫一副對聯。老師想了想寫到:“相交圓公切線組成新家庭,化分子去分母產生新分數。”
    14、有個醫生很高尚,治病救人能力強;自己生活太謹慎,感覺各種病菌處處藏;不吃這個不吃那,真空生活也嫌臟;老婆做飯真犯愁,盼望再有高人把他降。
    15、網絡上青蛙很多,但沒準你就能找到一個青蛙王子,網絡上恐龍很多,但沒準你就能找到一個恐龍公主,總結‘網戀跟買彩票差不多,遇上對的你就中獎了,遇上錯的你就當是捐助了慈善機構。
    16、我是魚網,你是魚,罩住你這一畝三分地;我是法網,你是李娜,我是你的榮耀把你發揚光大;我是互聯網,你是用戶甲,絕不允許乙破壞我的家,愛你愛到無法自拔,守你走過春秋冬夏,這條短信要轉發,嚇跑所有男字他.
    17、網上聊了這么久,明天我們見面吧,你上身裹著糾結,下身穿著快樂,帶著滿臉的愁容焦作,挎著迷你型的猥瑣,街頭暗號是:可憐可憐哥.
    18、網絡當中常相遇,QQ總是聊不停,曖昧話語不停歇,你情我愛長相思,相貌如何卻不知,終有一天見了面,這才發現是親戚!
    19、老師讓用一邊一邊造句。小胖自告奮勇地站起來:我一邊喝水,一邊撒尿。老師笑道:還有沒有別的?小胖:我一邊拉屎,一邊撒尿。
    更多推薦專輯:指客網 (www.thfdigital.com)   欄目:搞笑段子
    20、孩子:老師,你為什么戴眼鏡啊?老師:眼睛近視,看不清楚。孩子:為什么會近視呢?老師:因為老師沒有好好做眼睛保健操,總是躺著看書,你們可不要哦。孩子:噢、噢,原來老師也是個不聽話的孩子呀。
    21、嫁給我的農場吧,錢過千萬,嫁給我的搶車位吧,好車不斷,嫁給我的花園吧,玫瑰香傳。哎喲,嫁給我,我有七鉆!
    22、盼望你來把我尋,我在網上廣征婚,條件一點都不高,只要真心對我好,我都老大不小了,不想一人到老了,有意者請電聯,非誠勿擾!
    23、性情是綿綿的,思想是純純的,小模樣是水靈靈的。家是香港的,爹媽是當官的,本女子是留過洋的。今日征婚:小伙是誠心來的,沒錢人必須是善良的,人是憨厚的,但是不能傻過頭的。
    24、偷菜不論貴賤,多多益善;收菜不分早晚,準時準點;放狗實非我愿,莫太貪婪;牧場不能空閑,動物滿園;寂寞無處排遣,農場是咱精神樂園!
    25、你是一個大強盜,空手來把白狼套。偷偷將我心來盜,悄悄讓我入了套。生活如陽光普照,喜怒哀樂由你造。真情真意心思冒,想抓你來上花轎。
    更多精彩內容:指客網 (www.thfdigital.com)   欄目:搞笑段子
    26、上課一排全睡,考試全都不會,成績全都個位,抽煙喝酒都會,打飯從不排隊,逃課成群結隊,短信發的欠費,上街花錢干脆,洋文個不會,氣得爸媽真嘿!
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