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    最給力幽默短信 周末和大家分享幽默

     來源:指客網 (www.thfdigital.com)   欄目:搞笑段子   時間:2015-08-09
    1、老板兩年沒加薪。我去唱歌,把老板名片留給陪唱女。去酒吧,把老板名片留給酒吧女。路過紅燈區,把名片發給糾纏女。今年掃黃后,發現老板常進派出所。
    2、幽默語錄:1、姑娘不給我拉手,我就扯條繩子溜溜狗。2、我決定每天堅持仰臥起坐,晚上開始先仰臥,早上再起坐。3、每天喝一份鴿子湯,做一個愛好和平的人。
    3、情人節你們得瑟啊,成雙成對地招搖啊,商場餐館都被你們霸了啊,勞資只能躲在家里泡面啊!今天過節我做主啊,5.25吾愛吾,愛自己誰拼得過我啊!
    4、情人節看到別人成雙成對,眼饞;婦女節看到女士放假,嫉妒;兒童節看到兒童收禮物,羨慕;今天終于等來了525愛己日,不用再羨慕別人,好好犒勞自己
    5、“法官大人,我無法再和太太生活下去了。她太粗暴了,10年前就往我頭上扔盤子。”“為什么到現在你才來申請離婚呢?”“因為最近她瞄得太準了!”
    6、平時關心有點少,偶爾還有小爭吵,生活之癢無處撓,周而復始生煩惱。今天搞點小情調,發條短信逗你笑。527是愛妻日,誓言一生讓你靠。
    7、我發現自己真是,人見人愛,花見花開,車見車載,啤酒見了冒開蓋,車子見了自動爆胎,爾等還不快來膜拜。愛己日,我就是要活的精彩。
    8、咱就是難得,正面能嚇退百萬雄師,背影能制剎千軍萬馬,晚上能辟邪,白天嚇流氓,最主要咱的智商高,會發短信,你還別笑525自戀日你轉發看會不會。
    9、吝嗇鬼有事外出,怕別人偷喝了他剛叫的酒,于是在紙上寫了:我在杯里吐了一口痰。一會兒他回來,發現紙條上多了幾個字:我也吐了一口!
    更多精選專輯:指客網 (www.thfdigital.com)   欄目:搞笑段子
    10、送你一朵花,花瓣是紅的,花蕊是紅的,花托是紅的,花柄也是紅的;送給丈母娘喜笑顏開,送給老婆眉眼彎彎,自己留著還能換錢,又名錢花。
    11、錢光光,心彷徨,沒有車來沒有房,沒有老婆心流浪,沒有牽掛只觀光!看到了你的迷茫,起碼我還比你強,祝福你!弱小的你要有自信和勇氣!
    12、想你想的心發慌,念你念的脾胃顫,盼你盼的衣漸寬,望你望的心彷徨;你可千萬別亂想,只想要你天天笑,低頭還能撿到錢,抬頭還能見金磚。
    13、黃桃李子紅蘋果,愿你相思有結果;南瓜豆角大白菜,天天都有女生愛;芬達綠茶白開水,夜夜都有好夢陪;桔子黃瓜冰紅茶,你想要啥就有啥。
    14、雖說虎落平原被犬欺,但是你到哥們的地盤誰給你動你一下試試,看我不削死他,聽說你剛被欺負了,我發個短信安慰你一下:好好養傷,幸福安康!
    15、氣溫天天長,最多是脫光。物價天天漲,月月都花光。脾氣天天長,罵人累到傷。但你可以打球,可以打飯,可以打水,就是不可以打架!
    16、你是我心中的神,你是我心中的天,你是我心中夏日里的棒棒冰;你是我生命中的空氣,你是我生命中的水,你是我生命中的四分之三。祝天天涼爽。
    17、我為你制了一身行頭,卓別林的帽子,成龍的燕尾服,老人頭的腰帶,耐克的鞋,不用奇怪,我要讓你成為全天下人心目中的活寶。
    18、我要是有了錢,一個大房子氣死反遷戶,買一輛小汽車氣死有車族,買一塊地就為了看著他好玩兒,最主要的是買一個好身體氣死那醫院。
    19、長江后浪推前浪,寫手死在短信上;寫條短信撞墻上,金星直冒靈光閃;短信搞笑卷海嘯,跟斗翻在沙灘上:讀完這條短信后,你可以樂樂笑笑!
    更多推薦專輯:指客網 (www.thfdigital.com)   欄目:搞笑段子
    20、我托快遞給你送了份禮物,請注意查收。相信會帶給你無限的快樂和特別的驚喜,說不定你會高興得叫起來呢。快遞員可能晚上送貨上門,名叫……臭蚊子。
    21、熱嗎?送你清風,清爽清爽;送你涼水,涼快涼快;送你冰激凌,冰冷冰冷。還熱?沒辦法,只有出絕招了,你……裸奔吧。涼爽一“夏”、快樂一“夏”。
    22、笑一笑,把愉快心情來表;笑一笑,讓牙齒感受風的逍遙;笑一笑,讓煩惱都傻掉;笑一笑,怒發沖冠變成點頭示好;再笑笑,好了,揉揉表情肌,別僵硬了!
    23、你愛穿五顏六色的衣服,逛五顏六色的商場,喝五顏六色的飲料,吃五顏六色的水果;在五顏六色的野外,放五顏六色的風箏。你的生活五顏六色,真是色魔!
    24、好久不見,思念一刻沒有中斷,盼望你盼得全身冒汗,想念你想得手腳亂顫,牽掛你掛得嘴歪斜眼,發短信累得腿不敢站,要是有良心,回復短信安慰安慰俺!
    25、聽說你最近失眠多夢精神恍惚,我知道這都是鈔票惹的禍。為了你能高枕無憂睡個好覺,最好的辦法就是把你的存款讓我來保管,請讓我來幫你受煎熬吧!
    更多精彩內容:指客網 (www.thfdigital.com)   欄目:搞笑段子
    26、沒有朋友相助,江湖險惡沒法走。沒有親人的牽掛,鬧市街頭瞎逛游。沒有你的祝福,滾滾紅塵都是愁。你一年給我發了幾條短信?難怪我都愁白了頭!
    27、長了一歲,很多道理要懂的:下雨會刮風的,下雪是無聲的,鋼板是硬的,零下十度會結冰的,吃多了會撐的。記住嗎,不是好友是不會告訴你這些東東的!
    28、你的表現真不錯:餓就吃,渴就喝,站久知道坐坐,體溫高知道是發熱,高興了知道咧著大嘴樂。評語:你很正常,繼續發揚!
    29、你是可愛的大熊貓,我好想把你抱在懷里,撫摸你柔軟的身體,喂你吃最翠綠的竹子,然后看著你的眼睛對你說:哥們,昨晚沒睡好吧!
    30、衣帶漸寬終不悔,為伊消得人憔悴;為你奔波為你累,夢里喊你幾回回,節衣縮食攢鈔票,艱苦奮斗把你追。如此癡情為那般?我親愛的房子,除了你還有誰?
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