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    個人頭像-56488
    王玉田
    有個百萬富翁被告知得了絕癥只剩下半年時間,傷心之余找了個殺手,讓在自己最開心的時候殺掉他。幾天后,百萬富翁接到誤診的通知,正笑得開心,被殺手殺了。
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    個人頭像-55264
    林可同
    今天散步,被一個小孩子吐口水!我沒有生氣,還給小孩一顆糖,說:“你吐口水吐得真好,獎勵你一顆糖。以后你見人就吐,也會給你糖的!”我就不信沒人收拾你!
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    個人頭像-56192
    恬然
    有一次急著去廁所大便,跑到廁所蹲下卻放了個巨響的屁。接著聽到旁邊傳來一哥們說,我操!哥們有紙嗎,你剛剛那一聲巨大的屁把紙給我嚇掉廁所里了。
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    個人頭像-55658
    揚揚
    坐我后面那男生,說話有點娘娘腔,我就罵他是半雌雄,然后他很氣憤地來了一句:“我不是半雌雄,我是全雌雄。”周圍一片緘默,然后全體大笑。
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    個人頭像-56478
    劉冰
    今天出來逛街,手機沒帶,借女友的電話打給我一鐵哥們,老子還沒開口,那邊先來了句:親愛的,你老公又出差了啊?我默默的把電話掛了,這是戴帽子的節奏嗎?
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    個人頭像-55244
    童彤
    大師:“老衲喜歡云游四方,看到美好的事物就喜歡拍一下,這也是出家人修行的一種方式。”警察:“這就是你拍人家女孩子大腿的理由?”
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    個人頭像-56434
    張公開
    經常說你胖的人,不會嫌棄你胖。經常說你矮的人,不會嘲笑你矮。經常說你笨的人,不會在意你笨。經常說你傻的人…你打他啊,給他慣的!
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    個人頭像-55659
    葛中山
    老公:“我失眠。”老婆:“我也失眠。”老公:“一只羊、兩只羊、三只羊……”老婆:“一件貂皮大衣、兩件貂皮大衣、三件貂皮大衣……”
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    個人頭像-56156
    劉若云
    新世紀男性:睡得了地板,住得了走廊,跪得起主板,補得了衣裳,吃得下剩飯,付得起藥方,帶得了孩子,養得起姑娘,耐得住寂寞,守得住空房!
    免費分享 分享      掃描二維碼 二維碼
    個人頭像-55524
    車栽
    中午在一家餐廳吃飯,客人向老板投訴有個孩子太吵了,影響就餐環境。我當時覺得很抱歉,就把孩子揍了一頓。回家的路上,我一直在想:“那到底是誰家的孩子?打的過癮!”
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    個人頭像-56127
    張博藝
    那里大學改名的風波未平,這里大學簡稱的硝煙又起。話說南京大學和南昌大學就南大簡稱一事鬧的不可開交,南寧大學坐不住了:你叫南大,讓我叫啥?網友建議叫寧大。寧夏大學不服:當初為免和廈門大學沖突,沒叫夏大叫寧大,廈門大學總不能叫門大吧,這還要搶?寧大可是我唯一簡稱。寧波大學默默流淚:我就倆字,不讓我叫寧大,難道叫波大。大理大學、大連大學都笑了:小樣爭啥,我的簡稱叫“大大”!寶雞大學特別猶豫,是叫“寶大”還是叫“雞大”,這時太原大學說了:看得我都不好意思了,我是太大!天津大學也不敢示弱:那我叫天大!中國地質大學:那我就是地大咯!汕頭大學聽了:你們都別說了,我都頭大了!復旦大學:你聽得頭大,我旦大了!
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    個人頭像-55495
    孫軍
    女兒和老公玩耍,貌似老公勝利了。我在床上躺著看,就感覺有手抓住我腳腕。然后便聽到女兒對她爸爸說:“別動,再動我捏死你老婆。”特么的這孩子不會是在醫院抱錯了吧。
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    個人頭像-55791
    李之儀
    包拯要給女兒起名,求助公孫策:“當初我娘給我起名包拯,是希望我拯救天下蒼生。后來世人叫我包青天,同樣蘊含了光明美好的祝愿。希望我孩子的名字也能體現出類似的造福社會的決心。你說叫什么好呢?”公孫策略一沉吟,道:“包郵。”
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    個人頭像-55467
    黃照涼
    躺床上玩手機,突然手一松,手機掉了下來。還好姐反應快,一個骨碌向旁邊滾去。很好,沒有被手機砸到。手機靜靜地躺在枕頭上,我靜靜地躺在地上……
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    個人頭像-55390
    王萌萌
    坐公交,一妹子上車(我認識),我拍拍大腿,對她說:“這有軟座!”誰知妹子叫道:“算了吧,一會軟座變硬座,硬座又變插座,到時候走都走不了!”
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    個人頭像-56117
    寧風一
    有天老公問我:“如果我死了,你怎么辦?”我說:“跟閨蜜吃飯逛街繼續嗨。”然后我問他:“如果我死了,你怎么辦?”他惡狠狠地說:“跟你閨蜜吃飯逛街各種嗨。”
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    個人頭像-55672
    李電腦
    班上一矮個妹妹擦黑板,我在下面看她擦高的地方實在費勁。我走上講臺對她說:“我來幫你吧!”她不好意思的說:“謝謝你。”于是我一把摟住她的腰把她抱了起來
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    個人頭像-55752
    高云華
    學校組織文藝活動,小明專門穿了一套黑禮服戴個黑帽子,伴著音樂模仿了一段MJ的舞步,臺下掌聲一片。結束后,校長親自點評小明:“沒想到你模仿卓別林還挺像啊!”
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    個人頭像-56123
    劉清霽
    一傻缺開車到交通崗沖交警喊道“你看我沒有駕駛證我照樣開車你能把我怎的?”交警看都沒看他走到副駕對里邊人說:“這個SB要是能拿到駕駛證我就把你教練證廢了”
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    個人頭像-55665
    何希裕
    鄰居家一小正太,今年4歲,上幼兒園,整天在學校丟文具。那天他爸火了:“就你整天丟,也沒見你往回拿…”結果第二天,一回家就往沙發倒了一堆鉛筆、本子……
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